why introverts have superpowers

I’ve spent a great deal of my life wishing I were someone I’m not.

Someone more.

You see those people pop in and out throughout your life, (you know the ones) almost as beacons, representing the exterior shell of the person you wish you could be. But as it always turns out, their inner life is much, much different than the mask they wear. And I usually find I don’t actually envy those people in the end, a fact which both comforts and disturbs me.

Some of the happiest-seeming people are traumatized, simply coping. Some of the saddest-seeming people are indeed living a more textured, fulfilling life. Nothing, I’m realizing, is as it seems.

I knew a woman for a time (she no longer lives in the country) that was effervescent. And I mean it when I say she was that way all the time.

As any young aspiring human would be, I was enamoured with her. I thought:

How nice it must be to be this way… every single day!? How is that even possible? Maybe if I spend enough time with her, I too will become like her?

The more time I spent around her, the more I saw the cracks beneath the surface. It turned out her boyfriend was cheating on her on the regular. Not a reflection of her, of course. But can you imagine my sheer awe when I found out she knew, was hurt by his behaviour, and yet was ardently choosing to live in ignorance?

At once, it hit me that living this way — adopting the constantly “ridiculously happy”, non-confrontational, yes-woman persona — came at a cost. For her, it meant sacrificing her boundaries. I felt terribly for her. That wasn’t happiness, at least not by my definition.

I know a tight-lipped man who thrives in groups of two or three. When we first met, he rarely opened up, and when he did it was for a moment only before he would retreat within himself, sometimes leaving the room entirely. I figured to have a disposition like that must certainly equate to some level of unhappiness, right?

Turns out this man one day refreshingly said “Americans tend to care about what you do for a living, because that’s how ‘living’ is defined there. Canadians tend to care about your hobbies, because how you spend your free time defines who you really are.” and I immediately decided this man was awake as hell.

You know what else he was? An introvert.

The people I admire the most are typically the introverts. Mind you, I am an extrovert (though I fall low on the scale), and don’t get me wrong, I do love a good talker. But the more interesting people to me have always been the people with less to say. I’ve sought them out in high school, in university, and beyond — it’s been a common theme as I navigated early adulthood and got the chance to actively choose friends. Introverts intrigue me, and like a magnet, I draw close to them naturally.

I’ve found constant talking has become exhausting over the years. And so many people want to talk, talk, talk. As of late, I want to hear from the people who spend their time listening.

And you know, I hate and refute the notion that introversion is a weakness or a ‘struggle’. It irks me that so many introverts consider shyness to be their downfall. A quality that subtracts from the human experience, when in fact, it adds.

The people who spend their time being interested rather than pursuing the idea of being interesting? Nine times out of ten those individuals have a fresh, life-bending perspective on the world. To me, they are the thought leaders. And certainly introverts can be good talkers when life calls for it, but they select their timing wisely to concisely and poignantly share their inner ideas in the interest of executing them. They will then go back to observing, taking mental notes, and learning. In fact, Jocko Willink, an American author and retired Navy SEAL speaks to this approach in war and in business: the best leaders were always the ones who observed rather than commanded. It proved to be a far superior method to achieving success, whether it be in combat or in handling business affairs.

To ‘observe’ first before ‘doing’ is a practice that so many people yearn to do through consistent mindfulness meditation. Introverts have a head start — they have this innate habit built into their personality.

Space exists already between their thoughts and their actions.

Now that, my friends, is a fucking superpower. Do you understand the years people spend trying to achieve exactly that? To be able to make space in that way enables you to live a more present life. If you don’t meditate and thus don’t really understand what exactly I’m referring to, I promise I’m making my way back.

My point being: Too many of us spend our time wishing we were more, when maybe what we’re truly seeking can be found in doing less. Less — in an uncomplicated, absolute way.

Less, because less is actually (and secretly) more.

Having less, doing less allows us to tune into simply being. And isn’t that the point of this silly little life anyway?

—K. JO